3 Things Grating on Me Right Now

For those of you who know me well, there are several things in the world that totally piss me off and they change pretty much on a weekly basis. I feel that this may be true for just about everyone, but not everyone is vocal about the things in this crazy, screwed-up time they find to be just down right boring or, for lack of a better word…

*WARNING: Potentially Offensive Remark Approaching*

… retarded.

I have comprised a short list of the things going on in the world right now that I find to be utterly ridiculous, zealous, stupid, idiotic, and the like.

1. Celebrity Blogging (First-hand and otherwise)

Okay, I feel that certain celebrities should not even be allowed near a computer, much less own one and use it to pop into the fray of technological communications every so often and flaunt their past success in the hopes of getting some currently. This comment is more directed toward Demi Moore than anyone else. Anybody remember when she allegedly kept some girl from killing herself by communicating with her on Twitter? Remember the cops getting involved and whatnot and blah-dee-blah-dee-blah-dee-blah? Well, some months later, I have come to the conclusion that if the girl was really 100% behind the idea of ending her life, she would have done it and no washed up mid-80’s, early 90’s actor or actress would have been able to do a damn thing about it. To further my example, I give you all my list of the Top 20 actors and actresses from that time period that nobody really gives a crap about anymore (in no particular order):

20. John Cusak
19. Anthony Michael Hall
18. Ralph Macchio
17. Elizabeth Berkeley
16. Molly Ringwald
15. Judd Nelson
14. Rob Lowe
13. Emilio Estevez
12. Nancy McKeon
11. The chick who played Tootie on “The Facts of Life”
10. Alf
09. Danny Tamberelli (anybody remember him?)
08. Joyce DeWitt (wait… nevermind on that one… she was arrested for a DUI last week)
REAL #08. Meredith Baxter Birney
07. Jodie Sweetin
06. Fred Savage
05. Scott Baio (despite having a VH1 “reality show”, even still, no one gives a crap)
04. Kirk Cameron
03. Jaleel White
02. Alphonso Ribeiro
01. Todd Bridges

Sorry, I feel that the list is somewhat bogus, but it does make my point. All of these guys, at one point, were the faces of television and film (yes, even Joyce DeWitt… wait… sorry… Meredith Baxter Birney). And, yet, it was Demi Moore, who has had a lackluster career, at best (remember “The Seventh Seal”?) who has proclaimated herself as the “Grand Puuba” of Twitter interventions involving suicidal people.

To me, honestly, this whole thing has about as much realism as wrestling and to once again prove my point, here is a link to what I consider the funniest video involving wrestling… period:

Watch it. It’s honestly the most pathetic thing in the world, but in a way, you kind of feel sorry for the guy. Anyway, back to my rant.

Demi Moore didn’t save that woman from killing herself. Bottom line.

Okay, part two of this little piece of my list is directed toward people who blog about celebrities for a living.

Yes, I am pointing my index finger at you… Perez Hilton.

Remember when he made those comments about the Black Eyed Peas? Then, remember Will I. Am and his “non-tourage” kicking the guys ass? Well, I feel that Perez Hilton deserved it. Not because of the act itself, but the fact that Perez Hilton turned around and did this pansy-ass video blog about it where he practically stuck his thumb in his mouth and whined, bitched, and moaned about how Will I. Am and his “Crue” should be ashamed of themselves and blah-dee-blah-dee-blah. Honestly… you know what? Before I continue on this tirade, here’s his video:

This is truly pathetic. The best part of this is that the little cockmonger started the whole thing. He basically broke the number one rule for celebrity bloggers/writers/paparazzi/et cetera:

“NEVER, EVER, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE, MAKE CHEAP REMARKS TO ANY CELEBRITY EXCEPT FOR MAYBE TORI SPELLING!”

Everyone else will eventually kick your ass. Even that controversial Miss America would. You don’t see Harvey Levin or his crew crossing that line, do you?

Okay, since I have presumably beaten this first topic to death, here’s number two on my list.

2. Celebirties Who Are Losing The Spotlight And Will Do Anything To Keep It Going

Alrighty, I didn’t watch them, but as I understand it, Kanye West made Taylor Swift…

*WARNING: Lame Joke Alert

shed teardrops on her guitar at the MTV Video Music Awards. Now, I am in no shape, form, or fashion even remotely interested in anything that Taylor Swift ever attaches her name to, but I feel that Kanye West was, once again, completely out of line and deserves to be pimp-slapped. Speaking of:

5 Other Infractions In Which Kanye West Needed To Be Pimp-Slapped

1. Attacking a paparazzi at LAX on September 11, 2008.
2. The “George Bush Doesn’t Care About Black People” comment during Katrina benefit show.
3. The “Maybe My Skin’s Not Right” comment at the 2007 MTV VMA’s.
4. The January 2006 issue of Rolling Stone Magazine.
5. His outburst at the 2006 MTV Europe Music Awards.

The whole Kanye West thing is the epitome of why we as people should not be able to glorify celebrities. The January 2006 Rolling Stone thing involves him on the cover basically impersonating Jesus with the crown of thorns on his head, and honestly, since I believe that celebrities always lose touch with reality, Kanye West probably thinks he’s Jesus. If anyone tells him otherwise, he probably starts shouting about how it’s oppressive because of the color of his skin. Who knows? Honestly… when it comes to Kanye West you have a better shot at understanding a David Lynch film.

3. Rick Perry – The Fuhrer of Texas

Here is a topic that has been festering and burning inside of my collective conscious, similar to the yearly fires outside of Los Angeles. First off, I’m going to start by saying that I have never seen or heard a bigger idiot in my life than Rick Perry and that statement has nothing to do with the fact that I generally vote blue. I think the best way to really get the jist of Rick Perry is to look at only a few things that have transgressed or come into question during his tenure as the Czar of Texas.

1. Does anyone remember when he pushed really hard to make it a state law that all girls going into sixth grade are required to obtain the Human Papillomavirus vaccination series beforehand? Remember that it was only in effect for three months, before it was undone? Also, does anyone else other than me see this as a clearly blatant violation of human rights, not just on the legal level? This is, like, Nazi… ish. What I find makes it truly impressionable in the halls and annals of “Stupid Political Agendas” is that it was targeted at girls, and just girls. The dicks of the sixth grade didn’t have to bother. So, not only is it politically and ethically wrong, it’s also gender-biased. How the fuck do you think girls get STD’s? Well, obviously, they have sex, but who do they have sex with? The version of the human race with the dangly dong between their legs. The dudes! The sperm-cannons! They give it to them in the first place. Yeah, a guy may not nessessarily suffer any long lasting effects of HPV, and yes, the girl could potentially develop cervical or uterine or phallopian or whatever sex organ cancer, but alongside that, comes the “Yes, mommy and daddy, I’ve had pre-marital sex” conversation, which seems to get girls practically crucified here in the Bible Belt, but the point is that if it were to become a state law, then everybody going into the sixth grade should get one regardless, especially the teachers because we all know they’re starting them young nowadays!

Wow, that was truly a crazy run-on sentence.

Also, the families wouldn’t have gotten any sort of assistance for the $360 vaccine and also interesting to note is that the manufacturer of Gardasil (the one in question) was Merck, who donated $6000 to Perry’s reelection campaign and hired former Perry Chief-Of-Staff Mike Toomey to handle their Texas Lobby work.

2. Governor Perry also is known extensively for his unforgiving use of the term “veto”.

3. Governor Perry is a firm supporter for the death penalty, as are many people in Texas. However, he has turned it into a fucking drive-thru window. As of June 2, 2009, two-hundred people have met the lethal injection under Governor Perry’s watchful and vengeful eyes. Let’s do the math:

Perry took over in 2001 when Bush went to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue and began his eight-year reign of terror. So, basically, Perry has been in office for eight years. Two-hundred have been executed over the course of those eight years. That’s twenty-five people per year and just over two people every month. Now, since he is firmly set on running again in 2010, let’s say he wins and gets to stay in office until 2014. That would equate to roughly twelve years in office and at the same rate, would raise the Texas body count to 300 people. Now, since Texas doesn’t have any sort of restriction on how long a governor can stay in office, lets assume he makes it for, hell, twenty years. That equals a body count of 450 people.

I honestly can’t think of a state that executes people that frequently. Not even California, and fucking Scwarzenegger is running that place.

4. Rick Perry has also supported the movement for Texas to secede from the Union. I can’t really say that I support individual state’s rights, because they seem to have more negative impact than positive and I’m pretty sure the ghost of George Washington would agree with me.

“Right G?”
“Right.”

Anywho, Perry spoke out in some parking lot in some podunk little town and won the support of the drunken, redneck, Confederate-sympathizer populous there. I watched it on the news one morning a few months ago, and after the insessant “Git-R-Done!” cries had made their way back into the cans of Natural Light, I thought for a second and had a slight chuckle. If Texas did succeed in freeing itself from the Union, Rick Perry would have single handedly fucked this place in the ass (which is funny because Perry is also incredibly outspoken against sodomy). I don’t think he and the rest of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour watching population understand that if Texas were, in fact, able to break away from the United States, then the United States government would attack and take it back quicker than Jessica Simpson at an all-you-can-eat buffet.

Ouch! Maybe that one was a bit harsh. Well, she’s gone crazy since Romo broke up with her so, for now, it’s a justified comment. I may retract it in the future.

Then what would happen, you may be asking me? Well, Perry would be removed from office and probably tried and punished for treason (which I am surprised I haven’t been yet) and get the same fate as those two-hundred little bastards he killed did. He, like them, would get in the metaphoric car and take a little ride to the Mickey D’s drive through, order a Big Mac combo with a Dr. Pepper, and then take the fall.

It’s honestly the thing Pauly Shore movies are made for. Holy crap! Thought!

THE TEXAS INCIDENT starring Pauly Shore as Governor Rick Perry, Tila Taquila as Mayor Laura Miller, and Bubbles the Chimp as George W. Bush

Yeah, that kind of sounded a wee bit funnier in the old noodle, but I think it works.

Anyway, folks, I’ve probably consumed a lot of your time. Thank you for tuning in to my blog. Tell all your friends and if anyone has any ideas for kick ass “I Read Robbie’s Blog” or “I [heart] Robbie’s Blog” or “Robbie’s Blog Rules” t-shirts, send the ideas to me.

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About Robert L. Franklin

Ah, the About Me section - social networking's excuse for you sounding like an elitist prick. Hmm... what to say? What to say?
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