“All change is not growth, as all movement is not forward.”
— Ellen Glasgow
So, I started a new job recently. I’m excited about it, but at the same time, for the first time in years, I’m kind of intimidated. I haven’t found myself in this state of mental limbo, at least as it applies to work, since the beginning of my senior year of high school, when I started at JoAnn Fabrics.
Of course, back then, my worries stemmed from the fact I had nothing to go on job-wise. I mean, it was my first job after all.
Now, with my job here:
I find the change in specialty is like staring down a long hallway, with the ghosts of two dead girls staring back.
Interjection: The fucking hotel I work had to have been modeled after the fucking hotel in The Shining, as Jen and I discovered while delivering complimentary copies of USA Today to all of the rooms at about 3am.
Interjection: Yes, you do get a complimentary copy of USA Today.
It’s a new frontier, which has been my ultimate goal for myself over the last couple of weeks. I want to experience new things — things I have denied myself, aware or not — and see what else I may be good at. I mean, so far, my personal employment resume is comprised of the job titles Sales Associate and Freelance Writer/Musician. It would be interesting to see how Hotel Night Auditor stacks against those two.
Granted, the second one would be a much nicer endeavor. However, I have developed certain apprehensions about that as well, but that’s another post for another day.
I think, so far, the biggest stress factor about the job is my adjustment back into being a permanent night owl. One of the things that bogs me down the hardest is not being able to sleep.
Interjection: I occasionally battle insomnia, so imagine how much of a bitch I am during those periods.
Anyway, it’s just one of those things. Uncertainty — not something I personally love, but in this event, it’s coupled with challenge. Since I’m very competitive, even within myself, this should prove to be a fun endeavor.
But, the nagging question still is: Can I do it?