The Greatest Holiday Ever… Ever.

“The myriad of flavors explode on my tongue, shimmy through my mouth, slap my taste buds and call them filthy bastards, and I love it.”
— Stacey Jay, Romeo Redeemed

“For sure, even the worst blowjob is better than, say, sniffing the best rose, watching the greatest sunset, hearing children laugh.”
— Chuck Palahniuk

Happy Steak and Blow Job Day everybody!

Tay-Stevens-steak-and-bj-day-31-300x274

 

Yes, men. We made it! It’s been a whole month since we neutered ourselves for the emotional pleasure of our women. Now, we get the greatest two-fer in the history of mandom.

A fat, juicy steak!

Mmmmm... delicious, delicious dead cow!

Mmmmm… delicious, delicious dead cow!

And an incredible, incredible polishing of your dong.

Image courtesy of idrawporn.sexacartoon.com

Image courtesy of idrawporn.sexacartoon.com

Since this will be the first year I celebrate this beautiful tribute to the male desire, I’m giving in to my creative side and trying to determine how I should go about my first Steak & Blow Job Day. The best part about it? My wife has to oblige. Here are my ideas.

The Classic

A traditional way to celebrate Steak & Blow Job Day. She prepares a succulent steak dinner, then cleans up while you sit on the couch and consume a beer (or two… or more…). She then approaches, gets on her knees, and pulls your member out, sucking it while you watch sports.

If I’m to pass this picture off as having happened on March 14th, then it was taken in 2001 and that’s an XFL referee.

The Black Angus

Basically, it’s a variation on comedian Patton Oswalt’s rant about Black Angus Steakhouse. I haven’t fleshed it out quite yet, but it will involve steak sauce and Cheddar Bacon Bombs.

Pictured: Brilliant marketing.

Pictured: Brilliant marketing.

The Caesar

While laying on the couch, you recline and relax while getting your dick sucked. She simultaneously feeds you steak.

Possibly the inventor of Steak & Blow Job Day.

Possibly the inventor of Steak & Blow Job Day.

The Peek-A-Boo

While you eat your steak dinner, she disappears under the table and sucks your dick.

Image from scmitt-hall-studios.com

Image courtesy of scmitt-hall-studios.com

That’s just four ideas I have. All of them sound really good. Let’s just hope the wife thinks the same way.

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About Robert L. Franklin

Ah, the About Me section - social networking's excuse for you sounding like an elitist prick. Hmm... what to say? What to say?
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