Recently, I have stumbled back into the dark and depraved annals of Creepypasta. I used to frequent this place during my teenage years, so there was a bit of nostalgia as I traced my old paths to poorly-written, cheap scares. While perusing around, I stumbled across an entry devoted to the 90’s Cartoon Cartoon Ed, Edd, and Eddy. I hope that some of you who come across this are familiar with the trials and tribulations and jawbreaker-bound shenanigans of three discolored kids with the same name, because if not, you’re probably not going to be able to appreciate (or understand) why what I’m about to share is so damned interesting.
Before sharing, I’m posting a disclaimer. I do not own this, nor do I know who the author is. But, as is the case with showcasing the work of others, I have to explicitly state that all credit goes to the author of the piece.
Happy reading… hope this doesn’t fuck with you all too badly.
We hadn’t always been here. But the neighborhood has. Even before it was a neighborhood on earth this one had been here. Here for those that would be lost on those cursed grounds, here for those who would die long before their real life ever truly began, here for those who never really wanted to grow up.
We come from different times and we come from different lives, but one thing remains true of all of us. We lived on the earthly realm of the neighborhood at some point in our lives and died long before our time was supposed to come. We don’t remember much of our lives in the cul-de-sac since the last member of our group joined us and certainly we won’t remember now when the next spirit comes, but here is what we do know:
Rolf was the first to come here. Unlike most of us, he was born in far off lands and even in the afterlife hasn’t lost the touch of his old world upbringing. He moved the the neighborhood in 1889, before it was developed. The son of a shepherd, he and the rest of his family came to start a farm on the lands that would soon turn into the place we would all eventually reside in. He died in 1893. While tending to the family’s animals, the bull broke loose from its pen and, in Rolf’s efforts to stop the beast, he was trampled to death. That is why even though he brought many of his family’s livestock with him in spirit, he chose not to bring the cattle along. He continues to go about the farms business on a daily basis, but is more than happy to occasionally neglect them to play with the other children of the neighborhood.
Jonny was always the lonely child. In fact, Rolf actually became his first human friend ever when he came to the cul-de-sac in 1908, 15 years after Rolf’s death. His parents moved onto the grounds of Rolf’s former farm not long after his death. With no other children around and no fieldwork to take up his time as it did Rolf’s, Jonny drew into his own mind to a great extent. From the Plank was born. Together they wandered about the country side climbing trees and getting themselves in trouble. Sadly, this didn’t last forever as a few years later Jonny became bedridden with illness. In 1912, he died after a long battle with tuberculosis. He saw his imaginary friend Plank standing by him to his last breath. Even now in the afterlife, without the countryside to play in, Jonny still wastes much of his time frolicking through the backyards and streets.
Eddy was the next to come. Eddy was born in New York City, but moved to the neighborhood in 1922, just as The Roaring Twenties were hitting full swing. The neighborhood, while still different, was beginning to take form from the fields of its past as families moved in and split up the lands that had once belonged to Rolf’s family. Always a schemer, Eddy looked to do anything to bring some comfort to his very bare family life even if it cost him the friendship of others. Eddy died in 1929 after one of his grand plans to swindle a sap backfired. He drowned trying to cross the local river after trying to run away from the angry kids that he had tried to deceive. Even in the afterlife he keeps chasing after the all mighty dollar.
Sarah and Ed moved to the Cul-de-sac in 1938, by the late 30’s the cul-de-sac had already nearly taken its final form as one of the preplanned developments that became popular in the pre-war era. As brother and sister growing up in the chaos of World War II, they both had various ways of escaping their lives as children of a World War I Ace and a working mother. Sarah became enraged and controlling as she sought to make sure that everyone around her knew that she was in charge, all in an attempt to copy off of her view of the hustle and bustle of her often working mother. Ed, on the other hand, went about it in a different way. He just shut it out entirely, in fact he shut out nearly everyone and everything in the world entirely becoming what appeared to be a complete idiot. Ed chose instead to become completely involved in the monster movies and comic books that began to pop up after the war had ended. It wasn’t too long after this that, in 1943, Ed and Sarah died in a car wreck as their drunken uncle was driving them to visit their grandparents.
Nazz came a time after the brother and sister. Nazz was a flower child,and turned establishment in 1958. She was a naturally beautiful girl that had always had a way with boys and men alike. She lived life on a whim and would often go about flirting and playing without any intentions. She died in possibly the most horrible way of any children in the neighborhood. In the summer of 1969 a serial killer, who had broken out of a local asylum, had slipped into her house in the dead of night and raped and killed her along with her entire family. In the trauma of these events she in a way similar to Ed shut out the world entirely and forgot of her parents and siblings, which is why in the afterlife she doesn’t ever receive demands from the non-existent parents unlike many of the others. This gives her much more time to lounge around and party as she often does.
It didn’t take too long before Edd joined the rest of the neighborhood, in 1972. He was the child of two highly controlling professionals in the age of greed that, despite their constant absence, dominated his life. As such Edd became quite the intellectual and a rather meek and shy figure. Always the curious type, he loved to experiment when given the time away from school and the constant chores of his parents. This would lead to his untimely demise in 1976, as a gas leak combined with a Bunsen burner from one of his experiments tore him and his house to pieces. Being the timid and subservient type, between various misadventures, Edd continued to follow the written orders of his parents long after his death.
Kevin was the next to join the group, when he moved to the Cul-de-sac in 1981. He was born to the day of Edd’s death and is in many ways his polar opposite. Kevin came from a broken home and developed a bold personality. In life he, was cynical and angry and took it out on many of the other children. His abusive father would rarely pay him any attention in life and would end up bringing about the end of it. In a drunken rage his father beat him after Kevin attempted to stand up to him. He died on the way to the hospital in the winter of 1989. His father spent the rest of his life in prison. In the afterlife Kevin changed his perception to the opposite of what his life really was, with a distant father who would shower him with gifts, however he continued to maintain his bullying even in death.
Jimmy was the last to come to the cul-de-sac. He moved to the Cul-de-sac in 1987 and into the house where Nazz once lived in. He was very overprotected by his parents, often locking him up in his room for hours, and not letting him socialize with other children. Jimmy’s parents’ worst fears were realized when in 1988, he was diagnosed with severe Leukimia. Jimmy lingered for the final part of 1988, and all of 1989 in a state of near death. Until finally on New Year’s day, 1990 he Passed away.
The Kanker sisters were different from any other denizens of the cul-de-sac. They were never of the earthly plane of existence. Instead they are the children of demons not too dissimilar from the succubae of human lore. They seem to possess abilities impossible by the standards of the others, such as the ability to appear nearly anywhere instantly. They were sent from hell to torment the already tortured souls of the neighborhood. Surprisingly they are attracted to the Eds for unknown reasons, although it is speculated that they are the weakest willed members of the neighborhood and are seen as easy targets by them. Despite that they are universally loathed and often feared by everyone including the Eds.
In 1991, to prevent any other deaths, the town was quarantined by the FBI and the US Army. They also did it to prevent any Al-Quaeda activity just to see if any Terrorists will talk about their plans there. But the only activity there in the Cul-de-sac…..was paranormal activity. Many of ghost hunters that went to the cul-de-sac have been reporting sounds of children, stuff moving around, and they even saw the ghosts of animals that belonged to Rolf. In 1999 the FBI Lifted the quarentine off the Cul-De-Sac as they found nothing related to what they were looking for. In 2003, on the 110th anniversary of Rolf’s death, the last family left the Cul-de-Sac. Ever since then, the Cul-de-sac has been abandoned, and a warm spot for ghosts. But mostly………… The Eds.
Damn. That explains the show’s continuity problems with technology and why the kids all look weird and out of time. It also explains the lack of parents. Well, at least it’s one way to explain it. One creepy, creepy way…