Let’s Give a Hand to Louisiana!

So, guess what? Last week, a bill passed in the Louisiana House that allowed people to carry loaded firearms into establishments that serve alcohol.

I’ll give you all a minute to stew on that.

Playing elevator music

Now, let’s recap. A couple of weeks ago, the Senate went chickenshit and struck down the last remaining provision of President Obama’s gun control legislation — universal background checks that were applicable to Internet and gun show transactions — because the mid-term elections are next year (why else would they dismantle even the most basic and “non-threatening” provision, despite 80% public support for the legislation), and now, to follow up such a monumental clusterfuck, the state of Leesiana decided it’s a good idea to allow drunk, backwoodsy dudes the privilege of carrying a fucking loaded firearm into an establishment that serves a substance that turns even the smartest individuals into Ralph Wiggum.

I can see it now:

Enters dream state

SKEETER — an older, large man in overalls — enters the bar and takes a seat next to JIMMY RAY — another man in overalls, but a few years younger in age. Skeeter stares Jimmy Ray down.

SKEETER
Jimmy Ray.

JIIMMY RAY
(glaring)
SKEETER

Skeeter orders a whiskey and downs it, continuing the stare down. Jimmy Ray reciprocates the animosity. The two continue downing shots of whiskey in silence and in no time at all, they’re both hammered.

Skeeter stands up and looks down at Jimmy Ray.

SKEETER
(angrily, drunken)
Asshole!

The barkeep stands at the counter, wiping a glass. He looks at Skeeter.

BARKEEP
Now, Skeeter, I don’t want no trouble.

Jimmy Ray stands up and sneers in Skeeter’s face.

JIMMY RAY
(angrily, drunken)
Fuck you. You piece of shit!

SKEETER
Whatchu think you doin’ havin’ sex wit mah sister?!

JIMMY RAY
Ellie May is yer sister?
(bursts into laughter)
Oh man, I’m glad she takes after yer momma. If she looked like you, I’d prolly hafta chop my weiner off.

Skeeter gets angrier.

JIMMY RAY
(continued)
After all, ain’t bestiality a sin in the first place?

Skeeter slams his fist on the table and pulls out his gun.

SKEETER
(shouting loudly at Jimmy Ray)
Dammit, Jimmy Ray! Then only person who gon’ fuck mah sister is me!

Skeeter shoots Jimmy Ray, who drops dead to the floor.

Exits dream sequence

I see incidents like this becoming pandemic in Louisiana now that firearms can be brought into the company of alcohol. I project murder rates in the Bayou to skyrocket in the next several months, leaving many broken, unwed, and unloved sisters without the pleasure of their brother’s company. <—- Yeah! See what I did there? Play on words, for the win.

So what’s next? Could there be another state dumb enough to enact such a provision? Could Mississippi or Alabama follow suit? Hell, Texas has a history of enacting stupid laws and provisions. Could they also follow Louisiana’s lead? I don’t know, but as of now, I can safely say without a shadow of a doubt, my disillusionment with my government is overwhelming. More so than I can remember it being previously.

So, to those of you who think the government is wrong to take assault weapon from it’s citizens, good luck to you if you ever stop in a Louisiana bar.

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About Robert L. Franklin

Ah, the About Me section - social networking's excuse for you sounding like an elitist prick. Hmm... what to say? What to say?
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One Response to Let’s Give a Hand to Louisiana!

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