A Letter to Vince McMahon: Please Buy the NBA!

Dear Mr. McMahon,

Let me first start out by saying that, despite some initial conflict with how you operate World Wrestling Entertainment now, I can say without a shadow of a doubt, that I am a fan of yours and your business model. My earliest wrestling memories come from right before the Attitude Era and from 1997 to about 2001 or so (like, around Wrestlemania X-Seven), I never planned anything on Monday nights, Thursday nights, and one Sunday every month. But, even as the gimmicks have become a little harder to swallow and the story-lines have become a little more absurd, I still think that you have a great business and wish you the utmost respect. From a fan standpoint, I was spoiled by the Monday Night Wars, Rock-Stone Cold fights, and D-Generation X, so I guess I’m just not as accepting of the new “family-friendly” (if there is such as thing) business model you’re projecting on the fans.

But, I think I may have an idea for you that would definitely help me push you through my blogs and conversations more than I do currently.

Mr. McMahon, I propose that you buy the National Basketball Association. I know, your last foray into professional sports was a HUGE miscalculation, but take comfort in the fact that the XFL was not a total disaster. Even in 2013, myself and my sports-oriented friends still look back fondly on He Hate Me. All wit and jest aside, I’m actually pretty serious about this.

I’ve been a fan of basketball since I was a small, squirrel-y white kid growing up on the east side of Fort Worth, Texas. I remember fondly afternoons and evenings watching Reggie Miller assault the New York Knicks with three-balls and profanities, John Stockton lobbing passes to The Mailman while he posterized the likes of Hakeem Olajuwan, Clyde Drexler, and Charles Barkley, and even knowing each year that Michael Jordan and Scottie Pippen  were going to win the championship, because shit, they were that good. At one time, I loved the NBA as much as I loved the San Francisco 49ers and Ken Griffey, Jr. This made for a very happy childhood in professional sports.

However, as we all know, the last decade or so has seen the credibility of the NBA plummet. Many people, including myself, think the NBA is rigged, and with the plethora of information, videos, and transcripts we have that support our criticisms, I think that the time has come for the NBA to just cut the crap, admit things are stacked, and gently glide into the realm of sports entertainment. I know David Stern, who is a pompous horse’s ass, can’t do it, but you, Mr. Vincent Kennedy McMahon know the business and know how to succeed in the business. Only you can carry the NBA to glory in the realm of “sports entertainment”.

I have a suggestion on how you could run the NBA as well. Honestly, Vince — can I call you Vince? — you wouldn’t have to change a thing. Just run the league the same way they do now: allow the Lakers a “miracle stretch” of games with poor officiating that somehow edge them into the Playoffs, let LeBron James get away with traveling and double-dribbles, and even let your referees eject players from games just because they were laughing on the bench. It’s perfect — you have “faces” (such as the San Antonio Spurs and the Oklahoma City Thunder) and “heels” (such as the Miami Heat and the Los Angeles Lakers). You can build story-lines and rivalries, and hell, even set up Finals series’ like 2009’s Lakers-Celtics, that encompass everything from history to bad blood and a player getting hurt, coming out of the locker room a few moments later, and changing the course of the series by nailing two consecutive three-balls that deflate the opposition. You’ll have fan favorites and heroes (such as Paul Pierce and Kevin Durant) and villains (such as LeBron James and Ray Allen). It’s not even just restricted to the court. Hell, Vince, you get Pat Riley. There’s no better cast in professional sports.

If you wanted to make some amendments — which I think would be awesome — you could make things aesthetically more like your WWE. Every arena has some kind of video projection equipment that I’m sure could be converted to a Titantron, if you wish to do so. Each team could come out to entrance music and pyrotechnics. They could talk trash, and even interrupt other team’s games during breaks and timeouts. Halftime would be a particularly good time to do that. I can see it now, Vince. Develop a rivalry between the Miami Heat and the Oklahoma City Thunder, and with the Heat already set in the NBA Finals, you can set the Thunder into a Western Conference Finals that goes into seven games, with the Thunder emerging victorious in dramatic fashion. While they celebrate their victory, the lights could dim real, real low and LeBron, D-Wade, Erik Spoelstra, and Pat Riley could appear on the Titantron and talk shit to the Thunder. “Relish in that victory, Durant, because at The Finals, we’re going to kick your ass,” Riley would say while LeBron, Wade, and Spoelstra stand behind them with their arms crossed, nodding intimidatingly.

It would be incredible, Vince. It kind of brings back memories of those old DX-Corporation-Ministry stable matches, doesn’t it? I think it would be a fabulous business venture for you, and look at it this way, if you wanted to go with the aforementioned scenario with the Heat and the Thunder, you could hype the series, take it seven games, and then do to Durant what you did to Bret Hart.

Just an idea.

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About Robert L. Franklin

Ah, the About Me section - social networking's excuse for you sounding like an elitist prick. Hmm... what to say? What to say?
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