For those of you living in and/or heavily critical of Texas, September 1st saw several new laws go into the books. Some of them are a tad ridiculous (as is the Texas standard), while others rectify previous instances when Texas lawmakers (who for the most part wouldn’t know common sense if it bit them square on the ass) enacted laws that were, as mentioned before, fairly ridiculous.
So, while Texans still fight their government for spatting in the face of Roe v. Wade, here are eleven new laws that went into effect as of September 1, 2013:
- SB393: Kids don’t need to worry about on-campus police officers issuing “student tickets” anymore. Yes, it’s true! No longer can the on-campus law give kids a Class-C misdemeanor citation for things like swearing and being the subject of bullying.
- SB329: If you’re under 18, you can no longer go into a tanning bed.
- SB510: Texas drivers are now required to move out of the way if a TXDOT (Texas Department of Transportation) vehicle has it’s lights on. We can only hope that such vehicles do not flash their lights between 6:30 and 9:30 am, as well as between 4:00 and 7:00 pm, on any Dallas-Ft. Worth highways.
- HB3668: If you are in an accident with someone, you better make sure their okay. Failure to do so could result in up to ten (10) years imprisonment. Personal safety be damned.
- SB275: If you hit someone with your car and fled, resulting in their death, you might as well have killed someone while driving drunk.
- HB869: “Proxy Weddings” are no longer legal in Texas, for the most part. Sorry inmates, you can’t marry imported Russian women or that junkie who found you on an inmate search. Private Pyle, on the other hand, can still have someone stand-in for his wedding.
- HB1421: Texas police officers are now allowed to sell firearms they’ve confiscated. Keep in mind, Texas (and it’s citizens) are so in love with their guns, the only real assumption as to why police confiscate firearms is in cases where someone was shot dead. Guess what, Rusty! That there gun you be buyin’ probly been used to keel someone, I reckon.
- SB181: Texans can now show proof of car insurance with their cell phones.
- SB1191: In a move that contradicts the Republican idea of “legitimate rape”, every hospital in Texas is now required to have rape kits.
- HB5: In a move that contradicts the long-time approach of Texas school districts, the amount of standardized testing on a student has dropped from 15 exams to 5.
- HB124: An old past-time for many a pot-less townie, Salvia Divinorum, is illegal in the state of Texas as of September 1, 2013. Little did Texas lawmakers know that Salvia Divinorum hasn’t been the “cool” alternative to pot since September 1, 2007.