Shutdown at The Zephyr Lounge

Dear loyal readers,

As of 10:00 am CST, the offices of The Zephyr Lounge are forced to shut down due to stalled budget negotiations. We’ve been attempting to keep the internal issues under the radar in the hopes that a compromise could be reached, but since there was maintained internal disagreement, budgets could not be laid out in time, and it looks like there will not be a compromise suitable for the foreseeable future.

Here’s what happened.

There are sixty employees here at The Zephyr Lounge, who all bring unique talents and insights into the content you read on this site. We also have a candy machine in our break room. Recently, we overhauled the selections available in said candy machine, which involved the removal of Almond Joy candy bars. They were replaced with Snickers with Almond candy bars, which aren’t the same, but are a better candy. About fifteen people working here had an objection to the new candy. A bitter objection.

Fast forward a couple of weeks. During an editor’s meeting, those fifteen people who took offense to the removal of Almond Joy’s from our snack machine began posting bulletins about meetings to “shut down The Zephyr Lounge” if those who were responsible and/or supportive of the new Snickers with Almond didn’t stop it themselves. Since Snickers with Almond is a superior product, we said nay.

Over the next few weeks, the group pushing for the removal of Snickers with Almond — the so-called “Almond Joy Patriots” — were gaining popularity among many who work in the office, but were doing so on bloated lies and half-truths. They even managed to get more people to push their agenda, namely Sven the Viking, who is an editor at The Zephyr Lounge and a very influential personality in this building. They voted several times to defund the Snickers with Almond initiative (over forty times, to be exact), but were unable to give me a resolution I agreed with.

Fast forward to this morning. All of us filed into work early to hammer out The Zephyr Lounge’s budget before 10:00 am CST, the deadline for such budget information to be signed into the books. We would have been able to do something about it last night, except Thomas LaSordo delivered a speech about everything from the budget to Almond Joy’s and Snickers with Almond to Star Wars to Dr. Seuss from 12:30 in the afternoon until well after midnight. Alas, we were still unable to get anything done, since any resolution sent to me by the “Almond Joy Patriots” regarding the budget included provisions to remove Snickers with Almond from the vending machine.

So, 10:00 am CST rolled around and since there is still no compromise on The Zephyr Lounge’s budget, we are forced to send all “non-essential” personnel home and are unable to pay them for the duration of this stand-off. Hopefully, it works out soon.

Thank you all for your understanding,

Robert L. Franklin
Editor-in-Chief

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About Robert L. Franklin

Ah, the About Me section - social networking's excuse for you sounding like an elitist prick. Hmm... what to say? What to say?
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3 Responses to Shutdown at The Zephyr Lounge

  1. Serene paper says:

    Why not just fire the almond joy people?

  2. Pingback: Update on the Shutdown at The Zephyr Lounge | The Zephyr Lounge

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