An Open Letter to Megyn Kelly

Dear Megyn Kelly,

I would like to start this out by saying that I am actually not all that familiar with your show or your ideas and opinions. However, I must say that I am fairly disturbed by some recent comments you made on your show. While I understand that your organization’s business model is to peruse the Internet and blow smoke up people’s asses about things that are considered to be the antithesis of conservative values, I must say that there are certain instances when your banter crosses the line and enters a realm where you come off as snarling, racist cunts. Your comments regarding Santa and Jesus cross that line. Aside from what could only be looked at as a blatant attack on a piece of journalism that doesn’t fit into your elitist values, the fact remains that Santa is actually Greek and Jesus was Arab.

Firstly, let me educate you. Santa Claus is a figure of fantasy, meaning that Santa Claus is a folktale. Now, like most folktales, there is some historical accuracy buried underneath the layers and layers of sensationalism. The blueprint for Santa Claus is Saint Nicholas of Myra, a 4th-Century Greek Christian bishop who was well known for his generous gifts left to the poor, most notably his presentation of dowries to the three daughters of an impoverished Christian man so they could avoid having to become prostitutes. St. Nicholas was a well-respected and loved individual, and after his death, was canonized by the Roman Catholic Church as the patron saint of a diverse collective of groups, including archers, sailors, children, and pawnbrokers, as well as becoming the patron saint of the cities of Amsterdam and Moscow.

Prior to Christianization, the Germanic people of Europe (including the English) celebrated the Pagan winter festival of Yule. When Christianization took place, elements of Yule were incorporated into the Christian tradition of Christmas. One of these Yule traditions was the Wild Hunt, which was led by god Odin. With Christianization of Germanic Europe in full-swing, Odin would over time morph into “Father Christmas” as Germanic Europe became more and more Christian.

Because Saint Nicholas of Myra was very well-known and respected and cherished for his generosity and values, he became a mythical figure across Europe. He would be attached to the changing Yule/Christmas traditions because of that generosity and those values, becoming “Sinterklaas.” As more time passed, both “Sinterklaas” and “Father Christmas” (formerly Odin) would become synonymous with each other, essentially becoming the same elderly, bearded individual. This metamorphosis would continue further, with modern-day Santa Claus’ massive public image having been, at least partly, manipulated by Coca-Cola.

So, the lovable old man who’s belly shakes like a bowl full of jelly while laughing has it’s origins in the very Christian actions of a Greek bishop. Hmm…

You may be saying, “well, I know Jesus was white!” Not so fast…

Jesus of Nazareth was born in Bethlehem, a city in the former Judea, which is now apart of modern-day Palestine and modern-day Israel. At the time, Judea was under rule of the Roman Empire. Jesus lived the majority of his life and began his ministry in Galilee, also part of the Roman Empire. Despite their being no mention in the New Testament of the Holy Bible regarding the appearance of Jesus Christ, one can just look at the ethnic makeup of Palestine and Israel and get an idea of what Jesus may have looked like, especially since both his mother (Mary) and father (God and/or Joseph) were not Roman in appearance. Even if they were, Jesus would have looked Mediterranean regardless.

Describing Jesus as white wasn’t something that came about until the 19th century, and to further hammer the point home, most of the oldest pieces of art that portray Jesus (including Christ Pantocrator, which dates back to the 6th century) show him to be of darker complexion, with dark hair and dark eyes. If Jesus were “white”, as you claim, or of Caucasian decent, then he would have had to have born in colder climates, such as those off the tropics and and further away from the equator. If Jesus were Caucasian, then he could not have been born nor could have lived in what is modern-day Palestine and Israel. It’s genetically impossible, especially over 2,000 years ago.

Here’s the point, Megyn Kelly. The fact that you believe both Jesus and “Santa” are white is ridiculous, but I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised considering that you are to a journalist what Kenneth Edward Tarr is to a recruiter. You are a pox on the journalistic community. You are an intellectual and mental terrorist, and conversations like the one that inspired this tirade are further proof of your distorted Conservative jihad. You are a two-bit “reporter” on a two-bit “network” whose ideology revolves around pissing people off and kicking people who don’t believe in the same web of crap you do. I feel like if you were to take Roger Ailes’ sweaty chode out of your mouth for a second and think about this shit before you say it, you’d realize that the words that you vomit across cable TV screens only attach you to the long-standing stereotype of another dumb blond who obviously can’t think for herself.

All I had to do was crack open some history and look at some genetic charts to pick apart everything you had to say on the matter. I mean, how stupid are you? It’s one thing to do what the Cryptkeeper does and spout random shit off because it gets a rise out of people, but I get the impression that you really believe the shit you say, and with that being the case, I think I actually feel a little sorry for you. It must really suck to be someone so easy influenced by the backwards, dystopic shit people feed you, especially since most of it is easily proven wrong. So, Megyn Kelly, just so I don’t keep rambling, how about you do us all a favor and sew your lips shut, so that you may no longer contribute to the viral idiocy that runs rampant through this country.

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About Robert L. Franklin

Ah, the About Me section - social networking's excuse for you sounding like an elitist prick. Hmm... what to say? What to say?
This entry was posted in America: The Blog, Shit So-and-So Says and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to An Open Letter to Megyn Kelly

  1. Pingback: Commentary on Abstract Morality (A Response to Phil Robertson’s Recent Atheism Commentary) | The Zephyr Lounge

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