Meet Jack Fellure

With it being 2015, we are starting to gear up for the next Presidential election. It’s over a year-and-a-half away, I get it, but this year will see the contenders for each party’s nomination come out of the woodwork and yell at each other, before a winner is produced at the beginning of next year. Then, the nominees from each party will yell at each other for several months, before it is up to us — the American public — to determine whose yelling was more effective. All of this will take place within the next 22 months and I hope, by November 2016, people will have figured out voting is important.

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Anyway, meet Jack Fellure, the only guy who has formally thrown his name into the elephant hat as of yet. Fellure is a veteran of the political process, 83-years-old, and has formally campaigned for the Presidency in every election that has taken place during my lifetime (by my count, 7). Fellure is a perennial underdog, and in most cases, I would pull for the underdog. I mean, Fellure must have some kind of lovable quality about him that only develops through consistent failure. Like Rudy, or the Mighty Ducks. There must be a reason to open a little section of my heart for him. Right?

WRONG! Fellure is bat-shit crazy, so out of step with reality that Rod Serling himself could not write this guy into a Twilight Zone script. Jack Fellure’s particular brand of crazy may even be too much for the GOP to handle, which speaks volumes, considering the crop of other Republican-aligned figures who have expressed interest in a shot at the White House in 2016.

Jack Fellure’s entire campaign platform is derived from the 1611 Authorized King James Bible, which means there are a plethora of things to which Mr. Jack Fellure is adamantly opposed, such as:

The liquor industry.

This billion-dollar industry.

These people, and especially their cause.

These people, and especially their cause.

This award-winning film.

This award-winning film.

And beautiful couples such as these.

And beautiful couples such as these, which he further believes should be criminalized.

Jack Fellure further believes that school is school, meaning that public schools should be required to teach their ethnically-and-religiously-diverse students from the Christian Bible. Separation of church and state be damned!

“God wrote [The 1611 Authorized King James Bible] as the supreme document and final authority in the affairs of all men, nations and civilizations, for time and eternity…”
Jack Fellure

Jack Fellure also knows why our society is perverted and corrupt:

Marxists.

Marxists.

Atheists.

Atheists.

Liberals.

Liberals.

The LGBT Community.

The LGBT Community.

Liars.

Liars.

Draft dodgers.

Draft dodgers.

Sexual perversion.

Sexual perversion.

People who like to get high.

People who like to get high.

Flag burners.

Flag burners.

And, anti-theists.

And, anti-theists.

Fortunately, there isn’t much need to fear from Jack Fellure. The chances of him securing the nomination are as low as they’ve ever been, and if by some sick twist of fate he did manage to secure the Republican Presidential nomination for 2016, Democrats could field, I don’t know, me, and manage to keep the White House for at least four more years.

The GOP aren’t stupid. They know this guy will alienate everyone. I just wish they could understand that as far as Cruz, Rubio, and Paul are concerned. I will say this, though. Fellure and the current mind-frame of the GOP definitely have one thing in common: they’re all mortified by the secular present. You know, perhaps if the party continues becoming more and more desperate, that could be enough to grant Fellure success in the wake of his repeated failures?

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About Robert L. Franklin

Ah, the About Me section - social networking's excuse for you sounding like an elitist prick. Hmm... what to say? What to say?
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