Fox News Declares ‘War On Breakfast’ Amidst New WHO Report

Fox News hosts Bryan Kilmeade and Steve Doocy.

Fox News hosts Brian Kilmeade and Steve Doocy. (Photo Credit: Public Domain)

In response to a new report from the World Health Organization that found processed meats carcinogenic, Fox News pundits have criticized the World Health Organization for starting a “war on breakfast.”

In the vain of other culture wars of which Fox News has provided insight, the “fair and balanced” cable news network has committed itself to making sure “government agencies stop trying to control what free Americans eat.”

“This is absolutely inexcusable,” Bill O’Reilly, host of The O’Reilly Factor, noted in a statement on his Facebook page. “This is purely a measure by the World Health Organization to impose its will on the American people. It’s tyrannical. It’s unjust. And it’s wrong. This report just reinforces that there is a ‘war on breakfast’ in this country.”

O’Reilly is also credited with exposing the “War on Christmas” that plagues America every holiday season.

Fox & Friends hosts Brian Kilmeade, Elisabeth Hasselbeck, and Steve Doocy provided commentary on the WHO report Tuesday morning, with Doocy going so far as to shift accountability for the report to the Obama Administration. “Our socialist-Marxist-communist-Muslim President can now impose his Muslim values on the American people,” he said. “Well, here we are America, being turned into a bunch of vegetarian liberals under the thumb of a Fascist dictator seeking a third term!”

Dr. Kurt Straif of the WHO’s International Agency for Cancer Research spoke publicly about the report, stating that “for an individual, the risk of developing colorectal (bowel) cancer because of their consumption of processed meat remains small, but the risk increases with the amount of meat consumed.”

But, Fox News pundit Megyn Kelly disagrees, calling the report “a crude attempt at fear-mongering” and an example of “liberal propaganda being used to attack hard-working Americans who just want to eat some bacon.”

When asked about Fox News’ response to the IACR report, Dr. Straif replied with grave concern. “I don’t understand it,” he said. “I’ve never understood why people, supposedly smart people, would be so defensive toward and offended by scientific study.”


About Robert L. Franklin

Ah, the About Me section - social networking's excuse for you sounding like an elitist prick. Hmm... what to say? What to say?
This entry was posted in Comedy and Satire and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s