It’s always entertaining when Republicans spectacularly fail in whatever asinine crusade they’re pitchforking each week. In their quest to Sonny Liston any and all things abortion, Texas GOP lawmakers and law enforcement officials tasked a grand jury with investigating the allegations leveled at Planned Parenthood from the Center for Medical Progress.
This is the same group who wasted so much of our time last summer with a series of heavily-doctored and deceptive videos that claimed Planned Parenthood sold fetal tissue for profit.
In a shocking turn of events, that same grand jury decided not to indict Planned Parenthood officials, even though they did conclude that laws were broken. Instead, the grand jury chose to indict David Daleiden and Sandra Merritt, the two anti-abortion videographers who created those controversial videos in the first place.
I don’t believe in karma whatsoever, but even I cannot deny the knee-slapping karmic hilarity of this.
Last summer, we were all disgusted with those videos for whatever reason. Some of us bought the O’Keefian horseshit wholesale, declaring that they prove Planned Parenthood is as evil as Satan dressed as Hitler recruiting for ISIS. Others were skeptical of the videos, either outright denying their legitimacy or expressing skepticism about their content and message. As it turns out, the latter groups were right, while the former chalked it up to the liberal-progressive-anti-Christian-socialist-PC-Black Lives Matter-conspiracy-agenda, since that is the go-to move for the former camp when their irrational batshittery is mercilessly defeated.
In August 2015, Republican Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick, presumably while on his knees for Jesus in celebration of Daleiden and Merritt’s hard-hitting expose, ordered the Harris County District Attorney’s office to conduct a criminal investigation into the Planned Parenthood clinic in Houston. At least one of the videos is alleged to show employees at the Houston clinic discussing fetal tissue donation. The Harris County DA’s teamed up with the Houston Police Department and a surprisingly Chuck Norris-less Texas Rangers to conduct the months-long investigation.
Harris County District Attorney Devon Anderson said at the time:
“I want to assure everyone in Houston that I will use every resource allocated to this office to conduct a thorough investigation and should we find that any laws were broken, we will prosecute to the fullest extent of the law.”
Fortunately for investigative transparency, Anderson and his yee-haw dream team found evidence that laws were broken. Unfortunately for Lt. Gov. Patrick, the filmmakers, far-right Texas conservatives, and probably Republican Jesus, Anderson and his yee-haw dream team found evidence laws were broken.
Both David Deleiden and Sandra Merritt were indicted on one count of tampering with governmental records, a second-degree felony. Daleiden was further indicted for the purchase and sale of human organs, a Class A misdemeanor, or “li’l felony.” The former charge is the most severe, carrying with it a prison sentence of up to twenty years. Daleiden’s misdemeanor charge carries up to one year of incarceration.
A spokeswoman for Planned Parenthood’s Houston office said the news made the organization feel “vindicated.” Meanwhile, shrouded in darkness, we can assume Lt. Gov. Patrick and Gov. Greg “Hot Wheels” Abbott are meeting against a stormy backdrop, trying to figure out how to veto funding to the Harris County District Attorney’s office and not get caught.
Sometimes, it really seems like the tyrannous strategies implemented by Republicans come from an ACME handbook.
Featured image is in the public domain.